What “Fun Running” Means to Me
“If all you think about is your times, the only thing you’ll remember is your watch face.”
As a follow-up to last week’s blog post about recognizing signs of burnout and being honest with ourselves about when running doesn’t spark joy anymore, I wanted to share my story about my running journey and how I have found joy in every stage of my running life.
Finding Joy in Running
While I am very much guilty of posting a running “highlight reel” on social media—smiling selfies, beautiful views, my watch face with my miles and pace, I have truly been on a personal journey with running that has had many highs, but also just as many, if not more, lows.
I am going to be very honest here: as I approach my 20th year of distance running, I have not truly found joy in running until the past year.
Let me repeat: I have not found true joy in running until I really took a hard look at my goals, my view of myself, my mental state, and took accountability for some very toxic aspects of my relationship with running.
I’ve already described in great detail about my life as a runner before the 2020 pandemic changed the world’s relationship with running, so I’ll give you the Cliff’s Notes version here.
After running my first marathon my senior year of college (and subsequently running dozens for the next few years before finding a training plan that actually worked), I became obsessed with the idea of PRing every race I ran. I hired an amazing coach, set a big goal to run a sub-three hour marathon, accomplished that goal in Chicago in 2016, and then (stupidly) believed my PR streak would continue. I was killing myself to run unrealistic splits, beating myself up for not nailing my workouts, and essentially was in a never-ending spiral of defeat and self-loathing. Running for me was not fun at this time because of goals I was setting for myself and could not execute.
After marathons were paused in 2020 during the pandemic, I began to set my sights on different goals. While I was pulling back on my speed, I was falling into another dangerous trap: with no organized running happening, I set a huge goal to run 4,000 miles in a year. While my body was feeling slightly better without all the speed work, I was pushing myself, once again, to the brink by trying to cram as many miles into a week as I possibly could. While I thrive on goal-setting and working towards something tangible, I still wasn’t having fun. I felt like I needed to prove something to myself, and more importantly, to others, because my identity as a “marathon runner” was being compromised with no marathons on the calendar to run. Once again, while I was working toward a big goal I set for myself, I wasn’t having fun. I was waking up to run a longer run in the morning and then running again in the evening—going out and running a set number of miles every day, even when the weather wasn’t great or my body wasn’t feeling it. Again, a different, but similar version of running for something other than finding joy for myself.
Fast forward to the end of 2021/early 2022 and the first year in which marathons returned to (somewhat) normal without pandemic restrictions, and a renewed interest in fitness and the community aspect of it, something that had been missing from runners’ lives for the past couple of years. This was the year I really leaned into the idea of the run club—something that is so prevalent these days, but wasn’t as mainstream a few years ago. I found that existing run clubs in Boston felt a little exclusive—most of them were centered around pace and were intimidating to the everyday runner. I started a crusade to launch a run club that was more about community than about how fast you could run—hence the birth of the 1.5 Star Run Club, in partnership with Loco in Southie in late 2021. We met every Saturday morning and ran either 3.1 or 6.2 miles—and the word spread quickly. Some weekends we had north of 100 people—we were selling merch, posting a ton on social, curating good vibes (and indulging in lots of brunch and margaritas after). I was living my best run club leader life—I loved the attention 1.5 Star RC was getting, and even more so, loved that people in Southie could find a community they loved running with. However, after some very serious mental health issues I finally was forced to deal with in April of 2022, and subsequently gave up drinking, I found that I no longer wanted to be a part of a run club that was so heavily centered around running for the drinks after. Once again, my role as a run club leader in that capacity did not feel authentic to me, and thus, was not fun.
Leaning into Run Coaching—and Running with My Wife
So, to recap quickly—I have described so far three different running personas I leaned into heavily but ultimately, did not find joy in. I trained hard to be a fast runner, and succeeded in running a sub-three hour marathon, but was not happy. I worked hard to achieve a big mileage goal, but was not happy (and really tired). I found momentary joy in leading a run club community, but quickly pivoted when it no longer served my lifestyle and mental health.
Right after cutting ties with 1.5 Star RC, I really started to lean into my run coaching and began to take on a lot of clients, ranging from experienced marathon runners to clients who just wanted to run one mile without stopping. I realized I was able to foster a run community from the comfort of my own home, and loved being able to be a part of others’ running journeys. I started organizing small group runs and local 5Ks to bring the running community I was working with together, and quickly learned that I loved being in control of when I was leading these events, and found that running with others and chatting with runners, instead of focusing on how fast we were moving was refreshing. I also signed up to run the Berlin Marathon in 2023 with my wife, who was hoping to run a sub 3:55 marathon PR. While this would be slower than most of the other marathons I had run in recent years, I excitedly signed up to be her pacer and couldn’t wait to tackle this with her. Leading up to this run, every other marathon I had my eyes glued to my watch and barely took in any of the sights. I had run Berlin in 2018, and had a miserable time—I went out way too fast and spent the second half of the race staring at the ground and missed all the sights and spectators while I was wallowing in my own misery.
Running Berlin with my wife was the catalyst to the running change I needed. I had the absolute best time. I was able to talk to her, encourage her, take in the sights, take photos, and had a blast. This was the joy that I had been searching for. I realized I had spent my entire running career up to this point running for others—I wanted to keep up an unrealistic image of a runner I truly wasn’t, and in the process, was losing myself.
Every marathon I have run since Berlin that year has been for fun. I rarely look at my watch. I stop to talk to my friends and family. I take selfies. I sightsee. I am able to recover quickly - and usually go for a run the next day. Without expectations, I have discovered my favorite version of myself as a runner to date.
And yes, the competitive side is still very much there. In a world where running is EVERYWHERE now, I still like to dare to be different—I have found that I love running trail ultramarathons in Vermont—running 50k in the woods with no music and a lot of time alone is a true test of running love—and luckily, I passed that test. I have learned that while running trends may come and go, and the older I get, the simple fact that I will only get slower and never PR again has finally settled in and I’ve accepted it. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t continued to adapt as an athlete and a coach.
My goals have changed from living up to others expectations to be the person that other runners can use to help themselves accomplish their own big dreams, and to be that person crossing the finish line at 90 years old, no matter what the time on the clock says. Running is here to stay in my life, and I intend on finding the joy in it for a very, very long time.
Run for yourself, not for others <3
Xo